A Painful Sister Feud

I feel so tired and I don't have much sleep these past few days. I have a feud with my sister two weeks ago and I did not have peace of mind since then. She was staying with me because she's studying here in Manila until this recent argument.

The root of that fight is a very small thing... all about her laundry where she did not mind being in our washroom for weeks. I did not have much sleep and have not eaten that time so when she ignored me, I attempted to hit her but she pulled my hair right away and of course this is my home, I'm giving her allowance, so I could not take the fact that she would hurt me in my own home so I let her go. This sister of mine is so hard headed, she pawned her phone and went away.

I am hurting inside until now. I am not perfect but I do care for my siblings. I miss her and worry too much about her situation but when she came back to get some of her things I just cant help but to throw hurting words to her.

Until now I don't know what to do.. My mind would tell me she is old enough to take care of herself but I always think of bad things that might happen to her which is why I could not sleep. I am in the agony of choosing between my pride and my sister.

I love my siblings but sometimes I just can't control myself. I just wanted to teach them a lesson but they took it against me. I am a very strong person... I never really care losing my boyfriends that much but it affects me too much when it has already something to do with my family. Maybe because of our family upbringing, my sisters never learned to respect me as their eldest sister even if I've been supporting them. I never felt being appreciated by them even once. They think that helping them is my obligation.

Just imagine, instead of doing what I am telling her to do, she chose to leave me. I am beginning to question if there is something wrong with me but except for some tantrums I can't help... I am sure I've done my best to be loved by them. It really hurts.